“Daylight Savings” is Preparing Us for Even Worse Kinds of Savings Later!

SpringForward2014

The nagging sign is so chipper and green, just like the springtime that isn’t even here yet!

The dreaded day has arrived too soon. Last Saturday, slick local TV newscasters smugly reminded their viewers to “spring forward” that night, and—like a spineless slave—I did just that, creaking from clock to clock with weeping and gnashing of teeth.  And even though it was only four months ago, I still couldn’t remember how to change some of them.

Earlier this week I had typed, “When is Daylight Savings Time 2014“, into the Google Web Search page (which, by the way, is a very handy web search engine that I just recently stumbled upon.[1]  If you haven’t tried it, you might consider using it versus the more well-known Lycos or Yahoo! search engines.  Here is a hyperlink to the Google Web Search website, in case anyone is interested).   Well anyhow, I was shocked and furious by what I found.  I had naively expected that the nasty, despicable time change would arrive some time in the middle of this month. But March 9? This very weekend? It just continues to make me utterly SICK!  There’s still snow on the ground, for crying out loud!

800px-Omo_River_Valley_IMG_0463-1

Wars and death and famine are horrible but inevitable. Why add Daylight Savings to the mix?

What a cruel, ruthless world we live in. Yes, people are dying in wars somewhere or getting robbed with straight razors and guns, and people are going hungry in different places, and yes, yes, these are all worse things than petty grievances against clock-changing.  But, I hate to say it, there’s nothing that anyone can do to stop wars and crime and hunger; they’re an integral part of the cursed creature known as man and they will be with us so long as people remain people.  But why, on top of everything else, do we put up with this ridiculous, artificial hassle known as “Daylight Saving Time” twice every year?

Why should we allow our governments to cut and paste our time at their whim?

The oft-touted energy benefits are proven to be either negligible or even counter-productive.  One study compared energy consumption in Indiana before and after Daylight Savings, which Indiana adopted back in 2006, and it found that energy consumption actually rose by 1 to 4 percent overall.[2]  Thanks for nothing, Mitch Daniels!

What about benefits to economic activity?  While people do spend more money on consumption during the extra evening daylight, these benefits are more than offset by the lack of worker productivity caused by lost sleep.[3]

800px-HMS_Belfast_-_Dentist-1

Dentists love Daylight Savings: it can cause tooth decay!

And the lost sleep negatively affects people’s health, with traffic accidents and heart attacks showing noticeable spikes on the Monday morning following the awful time change.[4]  Even people’s dental hygiene can be negatively affected by the time change, with groggy people either doing a poor job of brushing their teeth or, even worse, forgetting to brush their teeth at all!  That’s why most dentists favor Daylight Savings!

But terrible as all of this is, the long-term implications of Daylight Savings Time are even more sobering. Recently I have learned that there is more to this clock-switching claptrap than meets the sleep-deprived eye.  Daylight Savings is a gross manipulation of the public psyche.  Yes, my fellow abused citizens, we are all being conditioned for other, even worse forms of savings than we could ever imagine!

Now that they’ve broken us in with hour-swapping, with barely a peep of resistance from any of us, the mighty powers-that-be intend to foist other (and worse) kinds of savings upon us, savings that will make us tremble in our boots!

No More September

Starting in 2015, both Canada and the United States intend to take away the month of September!  A whole month just sliced out by decree!  But don’t worry, folks!  They will give us two Decembers to make up for the loss!  The reason?  An earlier shopping season with two Christmases (uh, excuse me, “Happy Holidays”) to stimulate our stagnating economies.

Smilesday

But that’s not all!  Realizing that people are more productive in the summer months than in the winter, beginning in May of 2016, the United States will add a new eighth day to the week: Smilesday.  It will fall between Wednesday and Thursday to give everyone an extra-long work week.  That’s something to smile about, certainly!  But rest assured, the government will make up for this extra day when November rolls around, when we get rid of both Wednesday and Smilesday for a shortened six-day week! Yippee!  This gives us more time for shopping for our double-December double-holiday season.

Three 39th Birthdays

LOC_1918_Daylight_saving_ahead

I guess Daylight Savings sells more cigars? Am I smoking more of my Ugly Coyotes? Hey, I just might be! See, there’s another way that this dreadful system harms people’s health!

But wait! There’s more!  Beginning in 2017, a new policy, as established by secret executive order, will delay (fall back) everyone’s fortieth birthday.  This means that a 39-year-old will get three additional years of being a 39-year-old before he turns that dreaded age of 40.  Apparently this policy is meant to expand the 34 to 45 marketing demographic in another attempt to stimulate the economy; it also happens to add three more years until people are eligible for Social Security benefits.  The balance will be restored (spring forward) when 69-year-olds will turn 72 on their next birthdays.

And these horrible mutilations are only the tip of the iceberg.  Who can fathom what government think-tanks and diabolical office-holders have envisioned for us in the years to come?

Let us nip this system in the bud and overthrow Daylight Savings right now before it’s too late!

[1] Though Google is prone to unnecessary political expressions that many people could find irritating.

[2] Kotchen, Matthew. “Saving Daylight Wastes Energy.” The Opinion Pages. The New York Times, 6 Mar. 2014. Web. 10 Mar. 2014. http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2014/03/06/daylight-saving-time-at-what-cost/daylight-saving-time-wastes-energy

[3] Welsh, Jennifer. “Daylight Saving Time Is Bad For Your Health.” Business Insider. Business Insider, Inc, 07 Mar. 2014. Web. 10 Mar. 2014. http://www.businessinsider.com/economic-and-health-effects-of-daylight-saving-time-2014-3

[4] Welsh, Jennifer. “Daylight Saving Time Is Bad For Your Health.” Business Insider. Business Insider, Inc, 07 Mar. 2014. Web. 10 Mar. 2014. http://www.businessinsider.com/economic-and-health-effects-of-daylight-saving-time-2014-3

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2 thoughts on ““Daylight Savings” is Preparing Us for Even Worse Kinds of Savings Later!

  1. I had no idea it Daylight Savings was such a nefarious scheme!

    A few years ago, I worked on a tugboat in Wilmington. The captain smoked cheap cigars called Backwoods or something that looked like a bunch of dirty leaves and smelled about the same.

    • Yes, Backwoods! They used to be my favorite for a while until they started gypping their customers (putting fewer cigars in a package but charging people more per cigar). I still occasionally smoke them, though, with few complaints. Before Backwoods it was Muriel. My mild cigar tastes are not at all sophisticated; no aficionado here! I have enjoyed fancier, more expensive cigars from time to time over the years, but I admit to a preference for a quick-smoking, cheap cigarillo, and don’t care who or what rolled the things.

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